When you’re single and exploring the dating scene, you’d know that first dates are basically like the social Olympics. You dress up, show up and try to be on your best behaviour while refraining from telling your date about the time(s) you got thrown out of [insert club name] for brawling with a complete stranger. You order a “safe” dish that’s not “messy” because trying to wolf down a greasy burger elegantly in front of someone who’s pants you want to get into is not easy. Trust me, I have tried, unsuccessfully. You laugh a lot at sub-par jokes and you attempt to achieve the perfect balance of fun and flirty as opposed to crazy and desperate (there’s a fine line, I’ve learned). Basically, 3/4 of the first date is all an act. Why? Because we’re all insecure.
We’ve actually already covered the topic on dressing without stress for a first date for both guys and girls. But, fashion isn’t really what I wanna talk about today. What you really shouldn’t wear on a first date, people, are your insecurities. Our insecurities stem from our fears, the fear of not looking good enough, the fear of embarrassing ourselves, the fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, and most of all, the fear that our date won’t like us as much as we do them. It’s all fine and dandy when you’re the one who doesn’t want to go on a second date, but what if you’re the one who ends up getting ghosted after the first date?
Look at this way, it’s just the first date, you haven’t even invested that much time and energy yet. Having a coffee or a beer with someone you don’t know very well isn’t half as much commitment as marrying someone you think is “the one”. The stakes are pretty low, just chill!
When you let your insecurities cloud your judgment (your false confidence may fool your date, but it will do you no good), it can turn something as benign as a first date into an awkward and unnecessarily tensed meeting. While it is impossible to let go of your fears (however rational or irrational they may be) immediately, you can alter your perception of the first date experience. Your date is probably feeling a little jittery too, so, lower both your expectations to make the meeting much easier for the both of you.
On most first dates, we aren’t ourselves. Which is kinda stupid, isn’t it? Why present a false version of yourself, a version that you think the other party would adore? There’s an implied pressure to be perfect on a first date, but presenting a version of yourself that does not exist is the worst thing you could do. Whatever you do, DO NOT LIE TO SOUND COOLER!!!! A first date is a chance to make a real connection with somebody, don’t keep thinking of what your date expects of you. Don’t hold yourself back for the sake of making yourself seem more attractive to your date. So what if he or she chooses not to call or text you again because their impression of you didn’t fulfill their internal checklists? Move on to the next one!
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